Friday, July 15, 2011

Thoughts on a piece I wrote for my English class?

very good, but after one read its seems more descriptive of her environment than of her character and when you have to start talking abt her character with "julia was an intuitive girl...." it seems very blunt and in complete contrast to the description of her environment which flows like water. you are very good at description of the surroundings, use that to bring out the character. the character development seems very blocky, merge it with the rest of the text. when u describe the grass or the bushes bring out her thoughts abt how she believes there are secrets hidden behind them, in them/it and how when the wind blew she wanted to follow it to see where it went to see perchance where it began,< this is just a crude example to describe her curious character, her determination, start it off smoothly, ease into the character. ( i hope this helps somehow, i would want to read further)

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